Girls That Martin Fancies

10/10 would bang so hard she would wake up surrounded by magma.

She has the shoulders of an eagle.

I would drag my balls through 10 miles of glass to hear you fart into a walkie talkie.

…..and you ALL know that Ellen page is a squirter. That or she just pisses herself at unfortunate moments.

You can sometimes just tell when a girl is a screamer.

DOWN IT! DOWN IT! DOWN IT! DOWN IT! DOWN IT! DOWN IT! DOWN IT! DOWN IT! 

Girls like this want two things:

1. Their Daddy’s love
2. Respect

They will get neither.

It’s the Olympics…..FOR MY DICK

You are so Photoshop and you don’t even know it.

…I like to D.A.N.C.E.

Oh Emma Stone. Just kill yourself. You’ve already achieved everything.

Who nicked the rest of her dress?

What’s That?

Oh….She dressed herself in the dark.

Get me out of here - I need a fucking kebab.

Protip 

That is a stupid fucking hat.